Midterms, huh?

[fenella]

tammy_drabbles posted a challenge this week that I could not resist: it calls for drabbles inspired by Tori Amos song titles. For me, that morphed into drabbles inspired by Tori Amos songs, and y'all may or may not know how "Strange Little Girls" cd holds a special place in my heart. (Let's not talk about the fic I wrote for "Real Men," yeah?)

The cd is a set of songs written by men, covered by Tori Amos and redone from a female point of reference; dark, wistful, quirky, often chilling. It's a really odd fit for Tamora Pierce's particular brand of feminism and it shouldn't work - in all honesty it probably doesn't beyond the obvious 'songs by men rewritten by women'. But I do think it provides a stark, and frankly needed, juxtaposition to "Girls are Awesome, let's go kill things with sharp pointy weapons and shiny magic because clearly, if the boys are doing it, it's the right answer executed poorly because yay equality!" But you know in the end, when The Strange Little Girl finds she's in over her head or when Kel straps extra weight onto her harness to keep up with the boys, they're all just women doing they're best not to get lost in a man's world.

Anyways, this is mostly crack. A dialogue-only in which Vania teaches Jon the meaning of the word 'Pacifisit'. Gary mostly looks on in horror and hopes that his children won't turn out like the youngest princess.

*
Enjoy the Silence
*

"You're a what?"

"A pacifist, Daddy."

"Sorry, darling, I don't know what that is. Could you give me a second?"

"Of course, Daddy."

"Thank you Vania. Gary, these numbers are unacceptable!"

"Do you think I don't know that?"

"What are you doing to fix it?"

"What can I do? You told me not to concede to the workers' demands."

"Gods damn it Gary, bring in the ring leaders, make an example of them."

"...are you sure that's what you want to do?"

"We don't have much choice."

"Uh, Daddy?"

"Yes, Vania."

"You're not going to hurt any of the workers, are you?"

"..."

"..."

"No, Vania, your Father and I are just going to talk to them."

"I don't believe you, Uncle Gary."

"No, he's right darling, we just want to talk to them."

"Why is she looking at us like that, Jon?"

"I'm right here, Uncle Gary, I can hear you."

"She's right here, Gary, she can hear you."

"You too, Daddy."

"Of course, darling."

"Jon, we need to deal with this now, before it escalates."

"I won't escalate!"

"Your uncle was talking about the workers, Sweet Pea."

"Oh. Well, I'm a pacifist."

"I still don't know what that means."

"I think it's some new movement at the University."

"Why are you whispering, Uncle Gary? I can still hear you."

"She can still hear you, Gary."

"Uh, right, well, I think it's some new movement at the University."

"There's no need to shout. What have the students done now...do we need to make an example of one?"

"Daddy, why are you winking at Uncle Gary? You know that I understand your euphemisms - your 'codes', Daddy - right?"

"Of course, darling, what is this movement of yours about?"

"We don't believe in violence."

"But you love blood!"

"That was before. Now I believe in passive resistance."

"In what?"

"Cythera believes in passive aggressive resistance."

"Heh, heh. Well you know Thayet - I mean, Vania darling, your mother and I have a loving committed relationship."

"I'm telling Auntie."

"Oh no, please no. Jon."

"Don't whine, Gary, you're my Prime Minister. Darling, it was a joke."

"Not really."

"Gary!"

"This is how it's going to work, Daddy. I'm not going to eat until you give the workers their benefits and promise not to hurt them. Violence is not the answer."

"What?!"

"Vania, be reasonable. Make her be reasonable, Jon!"

"Don't look at me!"

"Also, I've arranged a small public awareness event. I'll be using the throne room - I expect around thirteen hundred people varying from commoners to influencial Lords and council members."

"What?"

"When?"

"You can't use the throne room."

"Good call."

"Thanks, I thought so."

"Okay, Daddy, I'll relocate it to a dodgy alehouse of my choosing in the lower city."

"Bad call, Jon, bad call."

"Oh, and also, I've talked to Kally, and the Carthaki Empire will not be engaging in any trade activity with you until you establish fair working conditions and long term payment schemes for the miners. They don't want their own workers thinking that they support countries who so openly condone such horrible treatment of their lower classes and criminals. They just went to great lengths to abolish slavery, you know."

"This isn't slavery!"

"We're a country of free citizens!"

"Barely, Daddy. Have you read the constitution lately? Oh wait, we don't have one. Good bye. Uncle Gary, say hi to Gnat for me. I'm going to go tell Mother that she can cancel my birthday feast, since I won't be eating."

"..."

"..."

"Darling, wait! I think we can reach a mutually satisfactory agreement. Don't you, Gary?"

"Of course, Jon, of course."

"Excellent... I'll be back in a minute. I just have to inform my communications director of the unfolding events."

"..."

"Hey Gary..."

"She has a communications director? I don't have a communications director."

"Gary?"

"Yes, Jon?"

"What's a constitution?"

*

Comments

[anait.livejournal.com]

I LOVE IT! VANIA + POLITICS = OTP.

It was all so funny, and I'm not going to quote the entire thing back at you, but I think the line that made me laugh loudest was this one:

"Cythera believes in passive aggressive resistance."

Haha! As an enabler, I win! I suppose Tori and tammy_drabbles get some credit as well.

[lyredenfers.livejournal.com]

:D In my Tortall, Vania is Roald's Prime Minister. She gets things done!

[wottie.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHA.

Oh snap! Go Vania. Lovely dialogue and great style, thanks for sharing!

[lyredenfers.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[prettyhowtown.livejournal.com]

Absolutely lovely. I love Vania fics because she gets her own original personality (as in, not Thayet or Queen Lianne reborn). I especially love your characterisation of her along with Jon and Gary's fathering skills. It was a pleasure to read.

My highlights? The last five lines, because they tie the entire scene off so nicely.

Favourite line from Vania:
"Okay, Daddy, I'll relocate it to a dodgy alehouse of my choosing in the lower city."

[lyredenfers.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the kind words! I was kind of horrified when I found out that there was a Vania at all. And then I was equally horrified when I realized what kind of a princess she was. But alas, I can not resist an opportunity to make Jon squirm.

[prettyhowtown.livejournal.com]

Yes, sudden appearance of a never-mentioned-before Princess is quite disheartening. I put it to you that after The First Adventure the only good Jon is a squirming one. :P

[letmeflyfree.livejournal.com]

*cracks up, glances at screen, rofl* This is so hilarious! I love it! Jon having a pacifist for a daughter....rofl....*gigglesnort* I can totally see Kally doing that too, just to get back at her dad for not letting her be a page.